What do you do when all roads lead to pain, and the desire to avoid pain encourages you to ignore your reality, stay where you are and do nothing?
Let me start by answering a few questions about the photo.
Yes, that’s my hand.
No, there was no one else involved… it was totally my fault.
And yes, removing the hook from my thumb was a very, very PAINFUL process, both physically and emotionally.
I almost named this post Am·biv·a·lence, which is the state of having two opposing feelings at the same time or being uncertain about how you feel. This pretty much sums up how I felt, standing there with a barbed hook jammed into my right-hand thumb! The only thing worse than the reality of my situation, was knowing that it could have been avoided. Ugh!
There was no pain, as long as I was holding still and not touching the hook. But the moment I moved, the hook also moved, and I felt that intense bite. Then I grabbed the hook with my other hand to see how difficult it would be to remove it; it was crazy painful! I could sense a part of me saying, “Pull harder so it will come out,” while another screamed “Stop pulling you idiot! Can’t you see it’s not moving!” I was indeed in a moment of ambivalence, conflicted about the misfortune, pain and discomfort of my hooked thumb.
Many of you reading this post are also conflicted about circumstances in your life, and if not now, you will be at some point. It is the nature of this gift called life, and unfortunately, some of your situations are far more complex than a barbed hook stuck in one’s thumb. Perhaps you are in a marriage with a spouse who is unapologetically unfaithful, and to leave the marriage will be painful for you and your children, but staying in the marriage will also be painful for you and everyone involved, it may even become toxic. Maybe you are an executive in upper leadership and have witnessed criminal activity within the company, and if you reveal what you know, it will be painful for the entire organization. On the other hand, if you hide what you know, pain will be the eventual reality as well. So, what do you do?
As a life coach, I submit to you a few questions that may help.
What are the possibilities in this moment of ambivalence/conflict?
If it’s going to be painful either way, what if you identified and named the MBP?
…the Most Beneficial Pain
Here’s a quote from the movie Equalizer 2 [Denzel Washington]
“There are two kinds of pain in this world, pain that hurts and pain that alters.”
It is true that not all pain is created equal. There is pain that hurts, continues to hurt, and can eventually compromise long-term physical, mental and emotional health.
On the other hand, there is pain that alters your situation or circumstance, allowing for healing and long-term health and wholeness. This pain is the MBP.
If you find it difficult to gain clarity and confirmation concerning the MBP, consider inviting a professional into your process because it’s that important. Don’t allow your circumstances to leave you in the stuck/do nothing mode.
Take Action
Find the MBP
Be Healthy
You Can Do It!
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